


with vigilant heart, i'll push into the dark

by BooyahFordhamYacht



Series: and did you love me like the way you wrote(shyan oneshots) [7]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Camping, Cussing, Forest Fenn Episode, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Lying to Each Other, M/M, Ryan Loves Shane, Ryan Says Fuck, Shane Says Fuck, Yelling, Zach Tells Secrets, fight, post-episode, shane loves ryan, some bad words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-08-01 05:11:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16278356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooyahFordhamYacht/pseuds/BooyahFordhamYacht
Summary: #6 - things you said under the stars and in the grassfrom a tumblr request





	with vigilant heart, i'll push into the dark

Spending the night camping after Forrest Fenn was, granted, not Ryan’s  _ best  _ idea. But it was nice, and quiet, and not anything like his apartment in LA. Shane is actually really enjoying this, weird Illinois boy he is, and his happiness is rubbing off on Ryan. 

Ryan’s not really sure why he suggested they camp out here. The trickle of the stream and the stars when the sun went down had been alluring, sure, but usually he wasn’t quite a camping man. He liked hiking well enough, and liked being outdoors, but the idea of sleeping where any bear could just stumble upon him, asleep and defenseless, made him shudder just the tiniest bit. Shane said it was stupid to think he’d be fine if a bear came across him when he was conscious as opposed to asleep, but that debate is different. And Shane. Shane is different. 

Ryan watches the tall man tug his marshmallow off the stick with two graham crackers, sat across from Ryan in a folding chair. The orange glow of the campfire between them alights Shane’s face, and Ryan is still a little in awe of Shane’s ease in making and maintaining a fire like this. There are still so many things he doesn’t know about Shane, even with being his best friend, and learning something new is just the littlest bit thrilling. Dragging his eyes from the shadows the fires cast across Shane’s face, he notices that his marshmallow has caught ablaze in his gazing.  _ Shit,  _ he thinks, and blows it out as fast as he can.

“Didn’t you call yourself the ‘god of s’mores earlier?’” Shane laughs, and Ryan glares at him.

“N-no, I just… like them like this.” Ryan shrugs. Shane laughs again, and shakes his head.

“No, you don’t, you idiot, you like them golden brown.” Shane chuckles, and Ryan can’t quite explain how Shane knowing how Ryan likes his  _ marshmallows  _ makes him feel as warm and gooey inside as a perfectly golden brown marshmallow.

Ryan doesn’t really have a response for that, no witty comeback, but he ends up not needing one as they fall into a comfortable silence completely unlike their usually banter-heavy conversations.

Crickets chirp, the breeze gently rustles the leaves around them, and the fire crackles warmly. 

A few minutes pass by in silence, in which time Ryan manages to successfully toast the perfect marshmallow and make a s’more. He eats it, and when he glances over, Shane is watching him. He looks away, though, when Ryan catches his eye.

“Is it true, what Zach said?” Shane breaks the silence with a confusing question.

Eyebrows furrowed, Ryan shrugs. “I don’t know, what’d Zach say?”

Shane doesn’t answer right away, and when Ryan looks over he can tell, even with the firelight, that Shane’s blushing. 

“Seriously, dude, what’d he say?” Because Zach knows  _ far  _ too much about Ryan for Ryan to be comfortable with Shane saying a thing like that. 

“Uh, that you, you know.  _ Like _ me.” Ryan’s s’more hits the ground with a thud.

“He said that?” Ryan asks, and Shane nods. 

Ryan isn’t sure what to say, and he knows that he’s gone too long without responding when Shane prompts, “so, uh, do you?” 

“No,” Ryan lies.

“Oh.” Shane replies, quieter.

The silence is definitely awkward again this time. Ryan focuses on watching the fire and mourning the half of the s’more he lost, and a minute or two passes by in very uncomfortable silence.

When Ryan chances to look over, Shane is watching him again. But he doesn’t look away when Ryan makes eye contact, so Ryan does. And then he looks again, and Shane is still watching him. “Stop looking at me,” he says, without even thinking about it. Shane glances away.

And then he’s looking at Ryan again when Ryan checks. “ _ Stop _ !” Ryan exclaims. 

“What’s your problem?!” Shane exclaims, bursting out of his seat.

Ryan stands to face him. “Why can’t you just mind your own business?”

“Why are you so fucking angry?!” Shane responds.

“Because you won’t stop fucking looking at me!” Ryan is shouting at the top of his voice, and so is Shane.

“I thought you liked me!” Shane throws his hands in the air - Ryan’s always liked how Shane talks with his hands, but now it just makes him angrier. They’re nearly nose-to-nose now, breathing heavy right in each other’s faces.

“Well I don’t, so-” Ryan’s next words are cut off by Shane grabbing Ryan’s face and kissing him. 

Shocked, Ryan doesn’t - can’t - move. Shane pulls back, still holding Ryan’s face between his massive hands. After a moment, his hands drop too. 

“Why did you do that?” Ryan’s voice is barely a whisper, gazing up at Shane half of his face cast in firelight. 

“I don’t know, I just, wanted you to  _ stop _ ,” Shane defends, voice small. 

“You couldn’t think of any way to stop me besides-?” Ryan stops when he realizes he’s nearly yelling again. Shane, usually tall and nearly intimidating, looks tiny and vulnerable as he shrinks away from the mistake he thinks he’s made.

Ryan sighs. He knows he’s got no other option than to be honest, if he wants to save any kind of relationship with Shane. His voice sounds too strange, too small, too exposed to his ears when he finally speaks. “Of course I like you,” and Shane meets his eyes again. “You’re a good guy.” Ryan admits, and he watches Shane’s face for any kind of reaction. A small smile tugs at the corners of Shane’s mouth, and Ryan finds himself smiling a little bit too. 

“Of course I like you. I just - if I told you, and you didn’t… If I’d lost you, I don’t know what I would’ve done.” Ryan’s voice nearly breaks thinking about all the times he wanted to tell Shane, and was too afraid. Ryan is always so afraid.

“Hey,” Shane says, stepping close to Ryan again. “You won’t lose me.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”


End file.
